Shock & Awe (A Sidewinder Story) Page 4

  “I just learned the secret to the O’Flaherty charm,” Kelly said, beginning to grin. “You just . . . stun the other person with honesty.”

  Nick chuckled, his cheeks beginning to flush. But he didn’t look away. They stared at each other, getting lost in the familiarity for long seconds before Nick leaned closer. “Are you okay, Kels? And I don’t mean the hole in your chest.”

  Kelly nodded. Then he frowned. “No, actually.”

  Nick’s face clouded over, his brow furrowing and his eyes apprehensive.

  “See, every time I think about you now, I get these butterflies,” Kelly explained, fluttering his fingers at his chest. “And it’s weird because it’s you, and you’re you. But I like it too. And . . . I like that it’s you. So I’m not sure what to do with that.”

  Nick licked his lips, leaving his tongue at the corner of his mouth like he always did when he was thinking. Kelly’s eyes were drawn to it briefly before he tore his attention away and focused back on Nick’s eyes.

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” Nick finally said.

  “How about telling me it’ll pass? Or that it’s just the drugs. Or almost dying. Come on, O’Flaherty, I know you have half a dozen excuses at the ready to use for things like this.”

  Nick was silent, chewing on his lip.

  Kelly’s smile fell. “Don’t you?”

  “I’ve never run into a thing like this,” Nick admitted.

  Kelly cocked his head. “You feel it too, don’t you?”

  Nick laughed. “Butterflies whenever I think about myself?”

  “Don’t play word games with me, smart-ass. The meds haven’t kicked in yet.”

  Nick sighed and contemplated his hands. He dragged his thumb over the scar on the back of his hand. “I think it’s unproductive to talk about it until you’ve recovered a little more.” He looked up, forcing a smile to cover the hint of fear Kelly could see in his eyes.

  Kelly wanted to push, to get past that smile and see just what Nick was thinking, what he was afraid of. Because the prospects last night had opened up were all parading past Kelly’s mind, and he liked what he saw. He needed Nick to be on the same page with him, though, and Nick obviously wasn’t yet. Kelly knew one thing for certain, and that was that Nick wouldn’t be pushed, he wouldn’t be bullied, and he sure as hell wouldn’t turn that page faster if Kelly tried to do it for him.

  So Kelly just nodded. “How about pancakes?”

  “With M&M’s?”

  “You have some?” Kelly asked, his eyes going wider and his mouth beginning to water.

  Nick gave him a sly grin and stood. He patted Kelly’s head as he walked by him, heading for the kitchen.

  “Wait a minute,” Kelly grunted, reaching out to grasp Nick’s arm. “That’s all I get the morning after?”

  Nick stutter-stepped and backtracked to look down at Kelly. “What? I gave you drugs and I’m fixing your breakfast on a tray, what more do you want?”

  Kelly grinned and gave Nick’s arm a little tug. He could see Nick biting his tongue when he smiled, and something about it kicked Kelly’s sex drive into gear. “You’re really going to make me ask for it?”

  Nick raised an eyebrow, smiling wider.

  Kelly rolled his eyes and sagged his shoulders, tugging Nick again. “Give me a kiss!”

  Nick sighed, glancing around the room as he fought a smile. He might have been trying to come up with a reason not to, or he might have been fighting the fact that he wanted to. He finally put a hand on Kelly’s head and bent over him, narrowing his eyes when he peered into Kelly’s. He smiled and pressed his nose and lips against Kelly’s cheek before giving him a gentle kiss, then moved away before Kelly could seek more, leaving Kelly sitting there filled with warmth and nerves.

  Kelly smiled, watching Nick’s reflection in the dark television as he moved around in the kitchen, making Kelly’s pancakes. Nick knew he liked pancakes with M&M’s in them. Kelly had married a woman who’d never even known such a simple fact about him, who’d never cared to learn.

  He let himself ponder that. Ponder Nick. Every time he’d woken up in the hospital in New Orleans, Nick had been there. Sometimes Ty had been there as well, sitting with him, talking with Nick, or curled up asleep in the chair in the corner. But Nick had been there every time without fail. He’d sat in the chair and read. He’d slept curled up on the couch that was too short for him, or with his head resting on the bed near Kelly’s hand. He’d stolen Kelly’s lunch instead of leaving to go to the cafeteria, and then called to get him more when he woke.

  Nick hadn’t left his side, and when the time had come for Kelly to be discharged, Nick hadn’t even discussed coming home with him. He’d simply assumed he would. People searched their entire lives for someone to just care about them. Somehow Kelly had taken that feeling for granted.

  Nick returned and set a plate of pancakes down on the table by Kelly’s side. Kelly watched him, still caught up on the idea of someone who would literally lay down his life for him, who had almost done so on several occasions. Kelly had loved Nick for years, just like he loved the rest of the team. Who was to say that couldn’t be more? Where was it written that either of them had to go through life looking for someone who understood them when they had each other right here? Why did that have to be off the table just because Kelly had spent his entire life pursuing women? He felt like a door had been opened last night, a door he’d never known existed.

  Nick had a toothpick in his mouth, chewing on it as he laid out Kelly’s breakfast where he could reach it. Kelly plucked the toothpick out. “Dangerous,” he grumbled.

  Nick snorted, but as he was turning away, Kelly grabbed his shirtfront and pulled him closer. Nick almost stumbled over the side table, and he had to put both hands on the arms of Kelly’s chair to keep himself from pitching forward into Kelly’s lap. His eyes were wide.

  “How long do I have to recover, exactly?” Kelly demanded.

  “What?”

  “How long are you going to fumble around before you’ll sit back down and talk to me?”

  Nick blinked a few times, his eyes seeming to turn greener as Kelly watched. Kelly smiled, growing warmer. He tightened his grip on Nick’s shirtfront so the man couldn’t escape.

  “Look, I love you,” Kelly told him. “You love me. We’ve bled for each other. Why can’t that turn into more?”

  “Kels . . .”

  “Stop. Before you argue with me, just think about it objectively without adding in who we are.”

  “Who we are is kind of a big deal.”

  Kelly let him go and took a deep breath. “Sit down, I want to talk about this.”

  Nick didn’t sit. Instead he leaned closer, close enough that Kelly’s heart stuttered and he closed his eyes. He could feel Nick’s breath on his lips, feel the scratch of stubble against his chin. “Your pancakes are getting cold,” Nick whispered before pulling back.

  Kelly’s eyes drifted open to stare at the plate of perfect golden pancakes with melting M&M’s made into smiley face patterns. He laughed and met Nick’s eyes again. Nick was grinning. He hesitated briefly before he pressed another gentle kiss to Kelly’s lips. This time he extended it, turning it a little less chaste and adding a little more tongue and teeth.

  Kelly took stock of his racing heart, his shallow breaths, the fluttering in his stomach. He hadn’t felt like this since he’d been a teenager, and he liked it. It wasn’t some stranger in a smoky bar giving him that adventurous feeling, either, it was one of his oldest and dearest friends. He tried to push forward to deepen the kiss, but Nick pulled away from him, running his thumb over his lips.

  “Eat. I’m not fixing you more,” Nick muttered. He stepped away, but his hand landed on Kelly’s shoulder and squeezed. “We’ll talk after. I promise.”

  Kelly nodded, satisfied. Because Nick O’Flaherty always kept his promises.

  When Kelly woke, he realized Nick had just waited for his painkillers to kick in and then given him the
slip. He had opened up the windows and the doors to the back deck to allow the breeze to sweep through the cabin, then gone outside and hadn’t come back before Kelly began to doze.

  Kelly struggled with the lever on the side of the recliner and finally got the leg down so he could try to stand. He gasped at the pain and stopped moving as soon as he stood, afraid to take another step. His painkillers had worn off. How long had he been asleep?

  “Irish?” he called out.

  He heard a thump from outside on the deck, and Nick’s footfalls were heavy as he jogged to the door. He appeared in the doorway, the sunlight streaming in around him. He’d changed into jeans and a loose flannel shirt, and with the scruff and his curly hair getting longer, he looked pretty damn at home in Kelly’s cabin in the middle of the woods. He also had his combat knife strapped to his thigh.

  A frown creased Kelly’s brow. “What are you doing?”

  “What are you doing?” Nick asked as he made his way over. “Why didn’t you call for help?”

  “I just did.”

  Nick ducked under the arm Kelly raised, sliding his hand around Kelly’s waist to help support him. “You want to go back down?”

  “No. What are you doing outside? Can I go out there?”

  “Yeah, but sit first,” Nick muttered. Kelly didn’t really have much choice as Nick lowered him back to the chair. “I’ll go get your pills; let them settle before you move again.”

  Kelly sighed and waited, staring at the open door as the breeze kicked up. It smelled of sunshine and pine, with a hint of crisp air left from the winter. He loved spring and fall for weather like this. He looked forward to the sunlight on his face.

  Nick thumped back down the steps with his pills and water bottle.

  “What were you doing outside?” Kelly asked, looking pointedly at the knife on Nick’s thigh.

  Nick grinned lopsidedly and handed him his pills. “I’ll show you.”

  Kelly downed the pills, then held his arm out for help. He slid it around Nick’s neck, an action they’d repeated dozens of times over the last week or so. But this time felt different. This time Kelly’s fingers dug into Nick’s triceps, appreciating the strength in Nick’s frame. This time Kelly’s nose lingered at Nick’s temple, taking in his scent and letting it stir everything from his mind to his body.

  “Wow,” Kelly murmured. “So that’s still there.”

  Nick’s breath gusted against his cheek. “Yeah, it is.”

  Kelly looked up into his eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Nick was really feeling and thinking. He still appeared scared and worried, his brow furrowed and his eyes hesitant, but there was fire there too. He wanted to explore this as badly as Kelly did, but he was holding back for obvious reasons.

  Kelly grinned. “Kiss me again.”

  “Kels—”

  “You remember what you told me last night? The only thing I should be thinking about was . . .”

  Nick inhaled sharply, his breath stuttering as he and Kelly stared at each other. “Me inside you.”

  Just the words made Kelly’s breath catch. “Kiss me again, dammit.”

  Nick gave a curt nod, then he reached up to caress Kelly’s cheek before he leaned closer and pressed their lips together. It was another careful kiss, a mere brush of lips with a hint of Nick’s teeth on Kelly’s lower lip before he leaned back. Kelly swayed forward, left breathless and light-headed by that simple, gentle touch.

  Nick’s hand pressed to the small of Kelly’s back to pull their bodies together, holding him tight so he wouldn’t fall. Kelly grabbed the back of his neck, delving into another kiss with a bit more fervor than their first. It was so natural for it to turn into a passionate embrace, Kelly had to wonder why they’d never done it before.

  Kelly would have let it go on all day, but Nick had more self-control than he did. He gently pulled away, holding Kelly’s face so Kelly couldn’t chase him.

  “Come on,” he whispered finally. “I’ll show you what I was doing outside.”

  Kelly grunted, but he allowed Nick to lead him out there. He was no longer interested in the outdoors or sunshine or whatever Nick had been up to, he just wanted Nick to kiss him again. He winced as the sun hit his eyes, but it felt good to be outside. He put his face up to the warmth and let out a sigh of relief.

  “Feels good, right?” Nick murmured.

  Kelly nodded, opening his eyes to regard Nick again.

  “Can you stand? Walk?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” Kelly said. He watched as Nick moved away, seeing his dear friend in a completely new light. The way Nick’s shoulders moved, the way he walked with a slight limp he’d never be able to fully hide as he aged because of the shrapnel embedded in his femur, the way his left hand stayed near the handle of his knife. These were all things Kelly’d noticed before, but now he was equating them to the way the muscles of Nick’s back felt under his fingers, the way Nick’s hips rolled between his thighs, and the myriad of things Nick could do with his scarred hands.

  Nick picked up a stick from the railing as Kelly moved gingerly toward the Adirondack chairs in the corner of the deck. Nick turned and held up the stick, grinning. He’d shaved the bark from it, smoothing the shaft, and he’d crafted the bulbous end into curved fingers, all with blunt tips. Kelly laughed as Nick handed it to him.

  “A back scratcher?”

  Nick shrugged, smiling. “I remember when I broke my collarbone, I was always itching and never able to get to it. You can also use it to reach things so you won’t have to strain to get them.”

  Kelly ran his thumb over the tips of the fingers, nodding. “Thanks, Irish.”

  “You’re welcome.” Nick leaned against the railing, crossing his arms. “You want to try a walk?”

  Kelly groaned, but he nodded. He was supposed to walk every day. “Might as well get it over with.”

  “I’ll grab you some shoes.”

  He jogged back inside, leaving Kelly to ponder the homemade back scratcher. Nick wasn’t the type of guy who needed to be moving or doing something. He didn’t need to have something to do with his hands all the time. He could easily relax in a deck chair and lose himself in his thoughts for hours, or sit and read a book, or just chill under the stars. He hadn’t been out here making this to keep himself busy while Kelly napped.

  When Kelly looked up again, Nick was standing in the doorway watching him. “I can try again if it won’t work.”

  “No, it’s good.”

  “We’ll find you a cane too,” Nick added, smirking.

  “Unless it has a sword in it, I don’t want a cane.”

  Nick snickered, coming closer with Kelly’s boots. He patted the top of his head as he knelt at Kelly’s feet. “Hold on.”

  Kelly’s breath caught. He rested his hand on Nick’s head to keep his balance and peered down at Nick as he slid one foot into the boot Nick was holding for him. They got both boots on, and Nick was tying them up for him before Kelly realized he still had his hand in Nick’s hair. He drew his fingers through the growing curls.

  Nick glanced up at him as he pulled the first bow tight. He smiled knowingly when Kelly didn’t loosen his hold on his hair, then ducked his head and tied the second boot. Kelly had always thought Nick a handsome man, in the same way he appreciated the beauty of a spring day or the sunrise on a misty morning. He’d never equated that appreciation with sex or desire, though, so the stirring in his groin when he remembered Nick’s body against his, or when Nick knelt in front of him, was completely new.

  He narrowed his eyes. When Nick stood, he mirrored Kelly’s expression and leaned against the railing. They stared at one another as birds chirped and the wind rustled the leaves above them.

  “I’m so confused right now,” Kelly admitted.

  “I know,” Nick said, his voice soft and somehow comforting. “Me too.”

  “What do we do? Go for it? Pretend it didn’t happen? Talk it out?”

  “I remember my first time,” Nick said, sh
aking his head. “You’ll have to talk about it. You will. And I’m the only one here.”

  “So we talk it out.”

  Nick nodded.

  “Have you ever wanted to fuck me before?” Kelly demanded.

  Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gazing up at the sky. He shook his head. “No.”

  “Do you want to now?”

  Nick cocked his head and scrutinized Kelly. Kelly grew considerably warmer as he watched Nick’s eyes. Nick began to smile. His voice was lower and full of gravel when he answered. “Definitely.”

  Kelly swallowed hard and flushed. “Likewise.”

  The mischievous smile Nick responded with only made Kelly want to squirm. Goddamn, why had he never noticed how sexy Nick was when he grinned like that?

  Nick licked his lips to wipe the smirk away and looked down at his hands. “So, you’re wondering why.”

  “Yes.”

  “Does it matter?” Nick asked neutrally.

  Kelly held his breath, considering. “Yes?”

  “Okay.”

  Kelly smiled. Of course Nick would just accept it and proceed to try to find a solution. That was the way Nick was. That was the way they both were, to an extent, which often led to a distinct absence of gnashing of teeth and wailing between them when problems arose.

  Nick gripped the railing with both hands. “Part of the excitement of attraction is knowing it’s reciprocated, right?”

  Kelly nodded. “We found out last night that we, um . . .”

  “Reciprocate,” Nick provided. They both grinned, meeting each other’s eyes. The warmth and excitement of new attraction were bolstered by years of history. Years of camaraderie. Years of comfort. It was something entirely new, and it was something that just felt right.

  Kelly inhaled sharply as the realization hit him. “This would be so easy.”

  Nick bit his lip, not responding. Instead he reached out and ran his fingers over Kelly’s wrist.

  “God, O, this would be so easy,” Kelly said more emphatically. He moved carefully and leaned on the railing beside Nick. “You and me? Just . . . can you imagine?”

  Nick gave that a low whistle and nodded. He raised his head, the smile gone. “I can imagine. I’m trying not to, though.”